Common Reasons Marriages Fail & How to Avoid Them
During a survey, some youngsters responded that they do not wish to get married because divorce is expensive! This is a worrisome trend if young people are thinking about divorce even before they get married.
Research shows that nearly one out of two marriages in the United States ends in divorce. Though there may be possibilities of exaggeration in these figures, everybody agrees that divorce has become a part of many adult lives, just like marriage.
There are underlying causes to why some people find their partner wasn’t the right one or why infidelity occurs. You can have a happy and successful marriage if you understand what causes a rift between couples and how to steer clear of those mistakes in your relationship.
Lack of Communication
Some experts call this as the most fundamental or, in fact, the only real cause of a failed marriage. All the other troubles can be addressed if only there is good communication between the two life partners. And this is as important before marriage as it is later on in the married life. Nobody is a mind reader.
Although people who love each other do understand their spouse’s feelings even when things are unsaid, expressing what you like, dislike, agree, or disagree with is extremely important. Most problems present themselves because one person thinks the other should understand their feelings or their situation, while the other doesn’t even realize that there is something that needs to be understood.
Don’t expect storybook romances and Hollywood dreams to come true in your marriage. It is good to believe in the miracles of love but you have to understand with a certain amount of pragmatism where you and your partner stand in reality. Both spouses will have some expectations about how their life will be after marriage. Discuss these expectations with your partner and make sure you both agree on at least some of them so you won’t end up arguing about every little thing each day after you get married.
Lack of Physical Intimacy
It is easy to complain that your partner has lost interest in you. But physical intimacy comes from an emotional connection (and the reverse is equally true as well). If you both are not able to appreciate and admire each other intrinsically, the desire for physical intimacy won’t be high. Romance and physical intimacy go hand in hand. It is not necessary to go overboard but certain romantic gestures and plans will keep the spark alive in your marriage.
Strict Gender Roles
There are loosely constructed and generalized gender roles in every marriage. But these should not become a rigid burden that both partners must stick to come what may. If a man believes that it is the woman’s job to cook and clean, but the woman feels that the husband should share the work, there could be problems. Roles can interchange when the situation demands and both partners should have the flexibility to accept that.
Lack of Individual Identity
For many people, their partner is the center of their universe. While this is wonderful, you could someday start feeling that you have no identity of your own, and you are just living in your spouse’s shadow. Create space for your own goals within the marriage, seek to fulfill your dreams and strive to reach a place you imagined you would in your marriage. It helps if you have your own job, social circle, friends, and some hobbies and activities that you can pursue without your partner.
Only when two people preserve their individual identities, can they create a new one as a couple.
“Me time” is important and it is also said that “opposites attract.” But when sharing a life with a partner, there needs to be at least some commonalities between the spouses. If the husband is an introvert, while the wife loves to socialize, or if the wife prefers indoor activities but the husband loves the outdoors and adventure, it could sometimes get difficult to spend time together. You won’t be able to watch movies together, listen to music, eat outside, travel to different places, or have common friends if your choices and tastes are poles apart in almost everything.
Inability to Resolve Conflicts
Every marriage has conflicts. But they are not impossible to resolve. Both partners have to make efforts to resolve conflicts if and when they arise. It is very easy to shout, sulk, or walk away if things get difficult. But it takes commitment and patience to listen to your partner’s viewpoint, to understand their problem, to remain humble throughout and to apologize if necessary. Foul language and demeaning behavior are a strict “no-no,” no matter how angry you are.
Marriages do not end due to lack of money but rather due to divergent views about money. If one partner believes in saving while the other beliefs in spending, money could become a cause of constant quarrels. It is important that both partners understand their realistic financial position, discuss the monthly budget, plan investments mutually and build a stable financial portfolio together as a team.
Roles in the Family
Many couples drift apart once they have kids. Parenting is a tough job and takes up a large part of your time. Children need your utmost attention, but after some years when they are independent, couples find that they have grown apart. Even with all your family responsibilities, you should never forget that investing your marriage takes precedence over investing in your kids. Both partners need to give time and undivided attention to each other too while taking diligent care of the children.
Once married, many people begin to take your partner for granted. But nobody is bound to be waiting for you all the time. For your spouse to support you, enjoy with you, and grow with you, you need to give them time, love, and respect.
Divorce can be avoided if couples have journeys and paths they wish to walk together and if they are ready to make individual as well as a united effort to overcome every hurdle that comes their way. A successful marriage is based not just on love and respect but also on solid communication, honesty, and individual freedom.
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