Early Signs Your Marriage Is Falling Apart
Insight from Our Orange County Divorce Attorneys
While many marital relationships last forever, several begin crumbling
after a few years, and close to half of all marriages in the US end in
a divorce. The quirks, behaviors, and habits that people find endearing
about each other at the start of a life journey may sometimes begin to
feel like a burden as the years go by.
Below are early warning signs of a failing marriage. If you notice these
signs of a divorce, then you should take an active role and attempt to
resolve them before a it becomes inevitable.
1. You Both Used to Talk a Lot, but Now You Hardly Do
Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. In a strong
marriage, either partner will want to talk to each other about their daily
lives, goals, memories, etc. The need for consulting, arguing, and listening
to each other’s opinions is the basis of an active connection between
If you don’t remember the last time you felt like talking to your
husband or wife, then it may be time to work together and change this
behavior to save a failing marriage.
2. Contempt Is Slowly Taking the Place of Mutual Respect
When your partner talks, do you roll your eyes, sneer, or make caustic
comments? People who have a healthy relationship value each other’s
opinions and thoughts and do not mind listening to the other’s viewpoint
with patience and understanding. This is even more important when they disagree.
No matter how annoying your partner’s argument may be, they deserve
your attention, time, understanding, and respect. If you feel that you
and your partner are becoming intolerant of each other’s feelings
or thoughts, then chances are that your marriage is getting into trouble.
3. You Are Both Becoming Rigid in Your Arguments
Do you rush to defend your viewpoint during every argument with your spouse?
Do your discussions become endless sagas of heated comments in which neither
of you concedes, but only protects their position?
A highly defensive and rigid stance in an argument signals that you do
not want to participate in a fair discussion with your partner. If every
debate leaves you justifying your actions or behavior, the foundation
of your marriage may be under stress, which could lead to a failed marriage
and eventual divorce if not addressed.
4. Intimacy Is Rapidly Fading
Intimacy is integral to the close bond shared by a married couple. Intimacy
does not mean only sexual intimacy, but also romance, handholding, and cuddling.
If you can’t remember the last time you snuggled up to your partner
or had a date night, then you may be in the midst of a failing marriage.
An intimate bond adds a higher dimension of closeness and affection to
a married relationship, and the lack of it could be quite detrimental
to it in the long-term.
5. Every Little Effort for the Spouse Feels Like too Much Effort
If making the tiniest of effort for your spouse feels like a huge burden,
then it may be a sign of trouble.
In a healthy marriage, you feel motivated to care for each other. Tending
to a spouse who is ill or planning a sumptuous breakfast spread are typically
activities that are born out of concern for each other’s happiness
6. You Start Shutting Off or Disconnecting Emotionally
The lack of empathy is another sign of a collapsing marriage. A marriage
is made of two people, each of whom has an equal role in driving the relationship
forward. But what happens if you stop empathizing with your partner? Sometimes
you may start feeling that your spouse’s problems are not yours
and begin distancing yourself from him or her.
Your partner might try to connect with you or share some issues, but you
don’t want to get involved or give your opinion. This usually happens
when you feel that you both do not value each other’s views enough.
7. Two Negatives Don’t Make a Positive
Positive interaction between married couples is respectful and cheerful.
Arguments will happen sometimes, but the couple is not demeaning or scornful
of each other.
However, if the arguments with your spouse seem more like quarrels than
the airing of strong opinions, then your marriage could be developing
some very early cracks.
A fight does not mean that there’s a problem in your marriage, but
constant negativity and hurtful arguments may indicate that you are losing
the basic affection and regard for each other.
8. Your Spouse’s Absence Makes You Happier
Most happily married men or women await their spouse’s return from
work and cherish each other’s company. Two partners can also have
separate hobbies and friends, but at the end of the day, they want to
share quality time with their partner.
But if you feel relieved or less stressed when your spouse is away or not
around you, then it could be a sign that your marriage is over, or at
least that your relationship is starting to fizzle out.
9. You Both Don’t Look Forward to a Brighter Future
Do you find yourself reminiscing about past activities that you shared
with your partner, but have no recent memories of happy moments and togetherness?
A married couple often makes plans for their future and looks forward
to mutual growth and a prosperous and happy life together. However, you
may be increasingly feeling that the best time in your marriage is over
or is quickly fading. This can be a sign of a failing marriage.
10. When Two Worlds Collide
Do you withhold stuff from your partner? Are you suspicious of your partner
or unwilling to tell him or her about your life’s details? Honesty
is the key to developing a robust married bond and secrets can be devastating
to any relationship.
The reasons for wanting to keep things to yourself could be many but no
matter the cause, a couple who would rather hide their feelings and actions
than share them may slowly nearing the end of their life as a married couple.
Not all marriages are made in heaven. It may be time to take a good hard
look at your relationship with your spouse. Pay heed to the early warning
signs of a failing marriage and take firm steps towards restoring the
old charm and the warmth in your marital relationship once again.
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